Man I'm not having a good day today, had a shitty workout at the gym (my usual way of venting) and I'm forced to sit here 15 hours a day working on this game, sometimes I don't want to do it....I just want to be like all my friends/people my age, going to the beach, partying, being a stupid kid, etc. I'm taking time off school right now to make this game, and it really does require me to give up a lot of aspects of my life that I don't want to give up. Just because I don't want to be another attempt at a game, I want to be the best....and it's very difficult to have that attitude sometimes.

Ugh...the flipside of the coin is that I've been given a golden opportunity here, alone in the fact that my parents were nice enough to loan me close to $17,000 of their own money (so far)...so that I could follow my dream of making this game, I need to do it just for them. I also want this so bad...part of me wants to be the ambitious 20 year old guy making a commercial game by himself....the other part just wants to forget it and hang out with my friends and just bullshit around all day.

I do have a worldwide publishing agreement signed for my game, and I'm on a tight schedule to make the first deadline for the 2006 Independent Games Festival, so I don't have time for anything else these days. My life is my game right now, and I guess I wouldn't have it any other way.

I go through this process all the time, and every time I come to the realization that if I can just get this game done everything will be fine....and this time is no exception :-) but damn if it's not difficult sometimes.

In game news: Ragdolls are coming along nicely, I'm polishing them up, and working on adding a picking feature to all the physics objects so I can throw stuff around. Also working on applying a forces to the gunshots so you can shoot every object int the environment. I can't wait to add sounds to all the physics stuff, and make it so you can shoot out windows/tires on the vehicles, that will look very cool in gun fights.



- Dan